Are Good Men Perfect?

[ 2 ] Comments

by RI Editors

This guest post was submitted anonymously for our Father’s Day series.

Back in April I enjoyed reading Jen’s post entitled, Seeing Good Men.  At the end of the essay, she encourages:

Good and faithful brothers, pull your candle out from under the humble bushel you’ve put over it and put it on a candlestick so all that in this great house of fellowship can see that good men are real.

manI pondered my husband and wondered if people really see the same goodness that I see.  Outsiders see his success; he’s good at his profession and enjoys it.  Outsiders see that he’s funny and has a good sense of humor.  Outsiders see him diligently serve in his Church callings and connect with those in his stewardship.  Outsiders see him caring for and playing with our children.  Do those things constitute a good man?

I believe they do; however, what’s he really like on the inside?  What’s he like at home?  If you really know him, would you still judge him as a good man?  I have a dear friend who was in an abusive marriage. On the outside everything looked fine, but in reality, there was so much pain of which none of us was aware.  We thought her husband was a good man, but there were terrible things going on at home, and he had little, if any, desire to change.

Gratefully, I do not share my friend’s fate, but will share what my husband is like at home.  At home I see a man who doesn’t forget Family Home Evening, prayers, or scripture study.  I see a man who does his home teaching nearly every month.  I see a man who honors his temple covenants.  I see a man willing to help in any way I ask him from cleaning to children.  I see a man giving his complete earnings to our family for our sustenance when he could take that profit for his own satisfaction.  Now what does that make you think?  That he’s a really good man?

good man

Now what if good men aren’t quite perfect?  What if they have bad habits or even addictions?  Are they still good men?  I may have given you the impression that my husband is nearly perfect, but you should know that there are things he does not like to do and things he just can’t do no matter how hard he tries.  Even beyond that, several years ago I found out he had a pornography problem.  Our lives were turned upside down.  He hurt, and so did I.  What did we do about it?  Did we give up because he was no longer good?  No.  I knew deep down that he was still a good man and more importantly that he wanted to be a better man.  I knew that if he went through the right steps, he could make it through this.  I’m happy to report that he did make it.  Of course, temptations remain, yet I know where his heart is.  Because of this trial, we have both come out better, stronger, and closer.

So, even though he’s not perfect (and neither am I), I do my best to focus on his good characteristics rather than his weaknesses.  I love him because he’s my best friend, a wonderful husband, and a great father.  Good men are out there, yet we need to realize that even good men aren’t always perfect.



Photo credits: Makena Zayle Gadient via CompfightCreative Commons License Leland Francisco via Compfight

2 Responses to Are Good Men Perfect?

  1. jendoop says:

    Thank you for the honest reminder. It’s nice to hear of a recovery story, a marriage that held together- a wife that forgave and a husband that works daily at retaining recovery. Life is messy, none of us get through it without needing the cleansing of the Savior.

  2. Ali says:

    I could have written this essay. I am married to a great man, one of the best! He happens to have a pornography addiction. But I refuse to let it define him, or us! His heart is pure and we are working every day to fight that monster.

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