Featured Essays

A New Chapter!

by Bonnie

Although Real Intent is no longer a terribly active resource (it does remain open to our authors), this was an incredibly valuable effort for me and I have been so grateful for the participation of many great minds in its time. I have spent the last few years in other efforts and now am beginning yet something new. This will be one of the few times I connect my identity with my pen names, but I would like to invite anyone who enjoyed my work here to follow me as Evelyn Mary Jacobs, where I will offer thoughts on the meaning of life, earthy things like gardening and herbs, health and spirituality generally, and interpersonal observations for an audience including other faiths. I will share weekday thoughts there as well as advance chapters of my fiction, book signings, review, and etc.

Thank you so much for your support of our thoughts here. It has been a great conversation. (You can follow my facebook page or twitter if that’s more convenient than a web reader). I look forward to reconnecting with those of you who come along on my next adventure!

Facebook: Enabling a Codependent World

by Nick Galieti

fb_icon_325x325Originally conceptualized in the 1980’s, codependency been defined as a description of relationship behaviors and mental health status of those who are connected with someone considered to be an alcoholic. Today, what constitutes codependency has been broadened in its scope. Wikipedia offers a rather substantive definition of this larger umbrella of codependency: “Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.”

Spouses of “dependents”, or even family and friends, can develop patterns of behavior where a codependent individual feels compelled to “save” the dependent who is “in peril.” This pattern of behavior presents itself by the need to make up for the dependents faults or answering for the collateral damage a dependent may cause. This will feel like a genuine caring effort to minimize the damage caused or to limit the suffering of those around the dependent person. What often looks like “helping” or caring behavior, can turn negative when the “saving” becomes excessive and persistent, even compulsive and thus permissive of the destructive behavior of the dependent.

Wikipedia goes on to say, “Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. A codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance. In this context, people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, can also be considered codependent.”

The token phrase of codependency is “Once they fix their issue, my problems will be fixed too.” (more…)